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Old 06-01-2008, 01:24 AM
Susieq4815 Susieq4815 is offline
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Default Need some advice please

Connected Hi, <BR><BR>I have been <A class=treatmentlink title="Learn more about Dating" href= "http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Socializing onclick=treatmentHotLink http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Socializing ">dating</A> a guy with Spina Bifida for about 2 months. I am crazy about him. I think he is the most wonderful man I have ever met in my entire life. In the begining of our relationship, like the first week, he was very physical with me. For the past 2 months there has been no physical anything. I was concerned that it was me. I thought maybe he wasnt physically attracted to me. I brought this to his attention and he explained to me that there is one aspect of his disability that he is not confortable <A class=treatmentlink title="Learn more about Talking" href= "http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Talking onclick=treatmentHotLink http://dailystrength.org/treatments/Talking ">talking</A> about, and the reason for the no physical has to do with that. He explained to me that he is scared that I will walk away if I found out, or that I would tell people. I guess its an aspect that he is not fully accepted. So we basicly left it at that. I figured he would tell me when he was ready, and that he was worth waiting for. Then today he brought it up again. He told me he didn't know if he would ever be able to tell me. He explained that he had to be 200% sure he could trust me with his secert and that he didnt know if he ever could be. I dont know what to do. I dont know what this issue is. I have accepted him for all that he is. His disability does not bother me at all. Can someone please give me some advice on how to handle this. <BR><STYLE type=text/css>

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  #2  
Old 06-02-2008, 07:42 PM
saffsmom saffsmom is offline
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Location: niagara region
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Default Need some advice please

hi,<br> <br> it is impossible to know what his issue is unless he tells you, but if i had to take a guess i would say that it is probably one of two things.<br> <br> because spina bifida affects all nerve funtion below the level of a persons defect (ie. where the opening in their spine is), almost all people with spna bifida have bowel and bladder control problems. these can range from the mild (needing meds/ and or a special diet) to "control" the prob, to the more severe requiring catheterization (bladder) and daily enemas(bowel). some people even have surgeries which make these procedures more manageable by creating openings in their abdomen through which catheters or enemas can be done.<br> even with all this some people still struggle with control and may have accidents or setbacks from time to time. often this is the thing that people with SB hate the most...it is embarrassing.<br> <br> also some men have erectile dysfunction associated with their SB.<br> <br> like i said there is no way to know for sure. i think that your best bet is to do lots of research on the subject so that when the subject does come up you are prepared to understand what he is saying. <br> do your best to create an atmosphere of trust and open communication. stress to him that you really care for him and are eager to express that in a pyhsical way....<br> explain to him that you want very much to understand his particular needs and concerns. maybe in the past women have been" turned off "<br> or rejected him because of his disabilities and this has made hime wary.<br> <br> above all don't give up. it may take him time to learn to trust you with his secret but in the end you will be rewarded with a stronger relationship!
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Old 09-22-2013, 04:36 PM
Lorigh Lorigh is offline
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Susieq, my husband has ED. There are times that it is difficult to deal with, but he is such a good man, strong and loving, that it more than makes up for the times when his part doesn't work quite so well. If this man is all that you hoped for...well then you will just have to be patient with him, and he will tell you in good time.
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Old 09-22-2013, 09:28 PM
juniornoah juniornoah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorigh View Post
Susieq, my husband has ED. There are times that it is difficult to deal with, but he is such a good man, strong and loving, that it more than makes up for the times when his part doesn't work quite so well. If this man is all that you hoped for...well then you will just have to be patient with him, and he will tell you in good time.
I have also dealt with this health issue. The trick is to find a woman who understands. There is a lot more pressure on the man in a sexual situation than there is on a woman. I recommend using cayenne pepper pills, once per day. It really helps to stimulate blood flow. Also, get exercise every single day. That will improve blood flow and your stamina. You don't want to rely on medication for what should be a natural function.
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Old 11-20-2013, 09:21 AM
JayGould JayGould is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorigh View Post
Susieq, my husband has ED. There are times that it is difficult to deal with, but he is such a good man, strong and loving, that it more than makes up for the times when his part doesn't work quite so well. If this man is all that you hoped for...well then you will just have to be patient with him, and he will tell you in good time.
Quite inspiring to hear, it's nice to know that people are genuinely caring and don't have a change of perspective on their partners when they find out about their condition, keep up the great work
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Old 01-01-2014, 05:45 AM
novasparker novasparker is offline
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I understand your frustration, but you can't rush something that he is uncomfortable talking about. He will share it when he's ready,but he also need to understand that his reluctance to talk about it is affecting your relationship. Maybe then he can find the strength to discuss his issue with you. In any event, it is definitely something that you should be understanding with him about, but direct in your communication that his silence on the subject is bothering you.
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